Latest Posts by paradoxf0x - Page 3

I didn’t read the blog name and I was just like, “yeah that makes sense” and if that doesn’t tell you how fucked up 2020 has been I don’t know what will

My dad burned the moon with a flamethrower.

I love this more than I should

So a couple weeks back @theshitpostcalligrapher had this card that was perfect. It was something i say all the time, so i ordered one from her shop.

It arrived today.

Now i just need something to display it in.

Also, I like that the myth specifically states Medusa turns any man who looks at her eyes into stone, because when I first heard it my brain automatically decided Medusa was a lesbian and I’ve just had that in my brain for so long that it’s canon now

if medusa wears sunglasses do u not turn to stone

If you wear sunglasses would you turn to stone or nah

if medusa wears sunglasses do u not turn to stone

How long has your physical form been residing on earth?

i’m just a tourist

concept: Faebook 

hah, witch! why you mad? because my eldritch blasts severely and yours don't?

With the way 2020 has been going, this sounds more like a prophecy at this point, and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised

There were oddly shaped giant squids who could hijack the human neural system. That’s why going around at night outside the gates of my campus alone was deadly. I had to leave, though, because it was better than the ghosts and whatever else I had accidentally set free from under the school floorboards previously.

Science needs to not. Like, this is how sci-fi horror movies start.

we all have a specific knowledge that just…changed us. for life.

anyway it is super important to me u know that scientists have successfully performed head transplants on mice

yes, that is a black mouse head transplanted on a white mouse body, and it is alive. 

*rolls that fucking cage full of ping pong balls or whatever* who had "missing teenager discovered to be hiding under trapdoor in bedroom closet" for 2020 Bingo?

Tag yourself I’m fuck it let’s sign up for basket weaving

i don’t want to be the best at anything. that would be stressful & wouldn’t leave room for much else

i would like to be reasonably good at a handful of things. but mostly i want to enjoy doing things, and to find fulfillment in doing them. the level of “skill” I reach is very much secondary.

A bunch of kids messing with a ouija board: we call upon the spirits!

The ghost of a teenager who died in 2002: *snikering* Bro, I’m gonna tell them I’m a Victorian royal murdered by my husband.

His buddy, laughing: Yo, tell them you never got revenge so now you’re gonna murder them instead.

The ghost: Oh, hell yeah! Classic man!

the issue w/ ouija boards is that ghosts are LIARS and RELISH in your sorrows 

Now this is a beauty pageant I would watch!

Petition to add a “guns and horses and body paint” category to Miss Universe

Miss Guanajuato’s traditional outfit for Miss Mexico 2020 (source)

Kate McKinnon is the new relatable gay meme, I don’t make the rules

SEA what i did there?

Edgar Allen Poe: There’s a body under the floorboards, it’s heart beats to the sound of your guilt.

Everyone else: umm...

Edgar Allen Poe: The raven knows your name, it knocks on your window, quoting forevermore.

Everyone else: You okay, bro?

I’m sorry, I zoned out, if you could repeat literally everything you just said that’d be great

*ADHD brain zoning out again immediately*

Hey, trama + time = comedy

So this’ll probably be hilarious in like, 10 years

Every day when I drive back from my college campus I see this sign that says “Bike Stripers” and every day I get super excited about the idea of seeing hot girls stripping on motercycles before I realize it’s an auto shop. Every day. My brain forgets every day that it’s an advertisement for the auto shop. Apparently I’ve got a thing for hot girls on motercycles. And apparently it causes my brain to short-circuit for a couple seconds.

But they were the coolest and you had to own a shit ton to set on your desk next to the eraser that actually worked or your life was meaningless

these dont erase ANYTHING

I also have the need to entertain you and will constantly ask if you want anything if you come to my home because “being a good host” was drilled into me from birth

Credit to ArtSpear Entertainment

“Annie are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?”

“No, I need help with question seven.”

Salem the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Salem was sentenced by the Witch's Council to spend 100 years as a cat, as punishment for trying to take over the world.

And he’ll be dammed if he ain’t gonna be a sarcastic attention whore the entire time

I like the idea of witches familiars being monstrous beasts that witches have trapped in the bodies of small animals. They can no longer wreck havoc on villages for fun or whatever monsters do, so they just sit there being a convenient source of magical power and acting grumpy about it

It’s posts like this that make me wish tumblr had a “well, shit” button to press because I “like” funny posts, relatable posts, inspirational posts. But this. I do not “like” this. I feel the need to express the personal discontent this post caused and my only option is “like”

I’ve never quite been threatened like “You are young. Life has been kind to you. You will learn.”

Musical chairs? I thought you said Magical chairs

Well, there’s no un-summoning the demon now so we might as well play

Welcome to Florida