Step 3: Repeat

I’ve always been a bit of a kleptomaniac, but to this day I’ve never taken anything that made any logical sense. For example:

A wrench off the top of a fire hydrant

A coil of rope from behind a dumpster (it wasn’t dirty)

A big ass tree branch I carried for two miles that barely fit in my friend’s car; reaching from the driver’s seat through the little door thing and into the trunk

A broken piano from the side of the road that I dragged toward my house for half a mile before giving up (pianos are heavy)

With the way 2020 has been going, this sounds more like a prophecy at this point, and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised

There were oddly shaped giant squids who could hijack the human neural system. That’s why going around at night outside the gates of my campus alone was deadly. I had to leave, though, because it was better than the ghosts and whatever else I had accidentally set free from under the school floorboards previously.

Edgar Allen Poe: There’s a body under the floorboards, it’s heart beats to the sound of your guilt.

Everyone else: umm...

Edgar Allen Poe: The raven knows your name, it knocks on your window, quoting forevermore.

Everyone else: You okay, bro?

I’m dying

This is literally what we do every time I get together with my best friend

You know the rules Carlos, if you can’t show me 100 pieces of gold, you don’t have it in your bag.

Tell the players that the pocket dimension in their portable hole/bag of holding/etc is your dimension, and they must have an irl copy of whatever they store inside.

All right mirror me, roll perception

Having problems finding new players?

Just hurl dice at the mirror until your reflection starts pulling its weight and stats up an Elf Ranger.

But they were the coolest and you had to own a shit ton to set on your desk next to the eraser that actually worked or your life was meaningless

these dont erase ANYTHING

(Credit to CollegeHumor for making this wonderful trailer)

An Enchanted Map

it shows you a map of an area of your choosing in any amount of detail but every time you use it the DM plays the map song from Dora first. it plays in-game too.

I’m sorry, I zoned out, if you could repeat literally everything you just said that’d be great

*ADHD brain zoning out again immediately*